Commenting on Twila, the girl who fell in love with a vampire
by I'm awesome and y'all know it
Summary: My thoughts on one of the worst stories I have ever come across, Twila the girl who fell in love with a vampire. Enjoy!


Chapter 1 Twila the girl who was in love with a vampire

**Well, I found this in a few different versions with comments and laughed my head off at it, so I decided to comment also. Before I even started, my page is covered in red. What have I gotten myself into? **Regular** is the story, bold is my comments. **

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Twila, da girl who was in luv w/avampirxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Chapter 1

Hi my name is Twila Beatiful Psyco Topaz **Who names their kid Psyco?**(not cullen yet, bcuz i ddnt meet edward yet)**Spoilers**! n i liv in waschington **Where's that? **wif my sisterMidnite. we liv in a dark house that iz far away from every1 elsn we r vampires. we feest on blood **They FEAST on blood?Ick.** n no1 else noes dat we are vampirs. not evn are mom wichis y we moved away to b by ourselves. yes we r LONERS. **But you live together. To be loners you have to live by yourself, genius.**

i go 2 a hi school **Hi**! n every1 finks dat im really hott, **Mary Sue alert!** i hav strait blak hair nd topez eyes n mi sister midniteis da same accept she has magenta eyez. **Because that's not creepy. **i wear lots of blak makup on mi eyes even tho i hav darkciircles under my eyes, (a/n ok if u think thats lame then FUK U,edword has dem too and steraphie myers **Who now?** sed hesrealli hot. i dnt lyk any1 at mi school, i am a missenthrop (a/nloook it up) that menz i hate other ppl accept midnite. **So there's a word for 'I hate everyone but midnite'? What?**

one day i met a realli sexi vampore **Vampore**? named EDWARdCULLENS **Random caps lock! Yay! **he haz really white skin lyk me. he is satan's gift to dis planet (a/n I DONT BELEVE IN GOD I AM N ATHEIST. i thnk saten sreated dis universe godbles u satan u r alwayz in mi heart.) I'**m not sure what's funnier about that, the fact that she clearly doesn't know what atheist means, the fact that she actually spelled something right (le gasp!) or the fact that she said 'God bless you Satan' after claiming she doesn't believe in God.**

so anywey i met him nda skewl n he was wif some fukking ugliass bytch named bella swann. she waz soo stupid n she kept fallin out of her seat. **I don't think even Bella is that , what's a swann?** edwward lookd at me lyk wtf is dis gurldoing. i smiled at him sexi and aventerous n he new rite away that i wuz a vampir, **Just from looking?** i culd tell from his eyeswich were da same collor as mine.

"Heyy" he sed walkn away from bella. dere were some gay ass ghetto ppl in his way doin da SOLDA BOY CRANK DANce **WHAT. THE. HECK? What does that even mean?** n he juslookd at dem with his dethly eyes n they iran away. i realy hatcliks n gheto ppl fink they r kewl, i giv dem the middle finger in the halwayz n itz l;ke YEA HUS TUFF NOW LOL rite **Ok then. Whatever you say… **

neway edward n i sat 2getha at da lunch tabel n bella stard at uswif dat poser jakob. **Jacob doesn't go to the same school as Bella, idiot.** ed ddnt pay ne atencion to her at all. he told me alabot how he iz a vampir n his dad carlos wnated 2 meet me.**When did Carlisle** **become Mexican? And when did he learn about Twila? **n his sisters alice, rosmarie, jasper n emet **His sisters Jasper and Emet? They're my favorite characters! **all luved me rite away n his mom esmi wnted 2 meet me 2. **Again, when did 'Esmi'** **learn about Twila?** **They met two minutes ago.**

so we kut skewl early **How rebellious!** n went to his realli big house in da woods n jasper is realli big and muscelar **You're confusing your vampires, dear. **so he jst nocked down all datreez in da way. **How stealthy.** when we got there carlose **Mexican Carlisle!** came to da door imedately. he gasped in surise at my beauty

"You Must be twila, my u cerenly r attraxive" he teasd meseductevly. **Because that's not creepy at all. If some thirty-odd years old guy did that to me, I'd kick him between the legs. **ed, jasp, emet, alison n rosaline all growld at him angrly, all sensitive becuz they liked me 2 besidez itwusnt fare cuz he was alreadi married. **Not to mention creepy.**

"Yea thats me lol" i told him and bowed (a/n dats wat they do injapanese becuz its polite) **You're not in Japan. The Cullens aren't Japanese. Idiot**. "nice to met you i said.

"So i hear ur a vampir, cum in my house n we can talk aboutit."I waz sooo excited n i ran in quikly in every1 followed me, we were alreadi frends. **You haven't even said anything to each other yet. How can you be friends?**

xxxxxxxxxx END OF CHAPTE 1xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx **Am I the only one imagining that in Raph's voice from the 2007 TMNT movie? Probably.**

PLZ GUYS TELL ME IF ITS GUD **It's not. I still can't process the sheer stupidity of this, and I've read it five times now**. **But I've started this, so I will finish it!**


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